I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
