She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
