just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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