Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize