she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
