ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
