Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
