I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Success! We fucked roommates!
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