Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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