They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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