so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
