i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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