Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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