Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
