so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
