finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
ok first of all what the fuck
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
