Having a random hookup so left but love u
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
