What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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