i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize