At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
