I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
