Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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