I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize