Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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