we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
