I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
