Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
FUCK WHALES
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
