dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
