Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
