Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize