we have pet lesbian snakes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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