I saw his package. It spoke to me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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