Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
