dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
