What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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