this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
