the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
birth control should be required to get into college
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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