I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
