Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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