I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
