You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
