can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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