you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
