I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
