singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
When are your genitals available?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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