today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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