it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
