So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
