It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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