i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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