I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
