I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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