no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is Oprah even human
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
