But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
