It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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