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when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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