he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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