Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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