Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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