A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize