He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
