Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
