I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
