I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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