Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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